Somewhere In-Between: The Asian American Adoptee Experience

A young Asian walks into a sushi buffet with her white family. A white business man calls her over to her and asks her where she’s from, she’s a bit weirded out but keeps smiling nonetheless. She tells him she’s from China, the Philippines and Thailand. He tells her she's very beautiful which causes more discomfort to swell in the 16-year-old. He questions her about her Thai language skills; she was adopted from China at 9-months-old, she does not know any language but English.

A short, unwanted Thai lesson later, she escapes back to her family; her mom didn’t see anything wrong with the interaction, her aunt, however, found his actions to be racist, implying that her niece didn’t belong in America, was “other.” The waitress had overheard the interaction and apologized for his actions and made sure the girl was alright, she told her it was alright, after all she was used to being stereotyped.

Situations like these occur often for Asian Americans, and for Asian adoptees, these situations can be even more awkward and uncomfortable. In the 21st century, there have been thousands of children adopted from various Asian countries, most predominantly from China, South Korea, India and Vietnam, as recorded by the U.S. Bureau of Consular Affairs.

China announced its one-child policy in the late 1970s and began to enforce it nationwide in the 1980s. The one-child policy was created in an effort to control China’s then, rapidly growing population. According to Encyclopaedia Britannica, China was more lenient towards those who lived in rural areas versus those in the cities. The government implemented various methods to help enforce their policy, such as “making various contraceptive methods widely available, offering financial incentives and preferential employment opportunities for those who complied, imposing sanctions (economic or otherwise) against those who violated the policy, and, at times (notably the early 1980s), invoking stronger measures such as forced abortions and sterilizations (the latter primarily of women),” Britannica mentioned.

With this policy in effect, there were thousands of children left to orphanages, most of them being girls. Parents wanted boys who would be able to pass on the family name and take care of their parents when they grew older. The one-child policy created greater sex discrimination, women became "expendable." Many international couples, especially American couples, chose to adopt from China following this policy. According to the U.S. Department of State, 82,456 Chinese children were adopted and brought to America between 1999 and 2019.

In addition, following the 1953 Korean War, “between 1958 and 2001, more than 100,000 Korean children were adopted by families in the United States,” as stated by the Evan Donaldson Adoption Institute. From 1999 to 2015, the U.S. Department of State Bureau of Consular Affairs reported that more than 20,000 babies and toddlers were adopted from South Korea. Similarly to the Korean War, during the final days of the Vietnam War “Operation BabyLift” airlifted about 2,600 Vietnamese children to the U.S. for adoption, according to History.com. The U.S. Bureau of Consular Affairs also found that there had been 5,946 adoptions from India from 1999 to 2017. Over 5,500 babies have been adopted from Vietnam from 1999 to 2019 according to the U.S. Bureau of Consular Affairs.

“I don’t think I’ve done a great job of balancing my understanding of my identity. I feel like I’m kind of just stuck somewhere in between,”

Oftentimes, race isn’t something adoptees think about till they’re older and begin to develop a sense of self. Living in America, adoptees lacked the cultural upbringing they would have experienced in their mother country. Some adoptees understand and are comfortable with their national identity, American, but lack an understanding and comfort of their ethnic identity, Asian. Being raised in America while also being Asian complicates an adoptee’s identity.

“The ethnic identity development of transracially and transnationally adopted individuals is complicated by the fact that they are confronted with the paradox of having grown up in a White family and community and typically having been treated as an honorary White, but being perceived by others outside of these milieus as an ethnic and racial minority. This contradictory set of life experiences may undermine ethnic identity development, because conflicting feelings of belonging and rejection can lead adopted individuals to disavow and to not want to explore their ethnicity and heritage,” Richard Lee noted.

According to Wun Jung Kim, the differences between adoptees’ two identities generally causes three different scenarios: the adoptee isn’t majorly interested in their ethnic identity and identifies more with their national identity, the adoptee is uncomfortable about their race and may wish they were white or not Asian, or the adoptee is comfortable with their ethnic identity and actively explores their ethnic identity.

For some adoptees, they similarly align with the first scenario. They make slight efforts to explore their Asian identities such as celebrating the Lunar New Year and Gotcha Day, a celebration of the day when adoptees were adopted; but overall due to the lack of large Asian communities, time and resources, their ethnic identity remains largely unknown.

“I don’t think I’ve done a great job of balancing my understanding of my identity. I feel like I’m kind of just stuck somewhere in between,” Abigail McKnight said, a freshman at the University of Central Florida majoring in architecture. She was adopted from Dianbai, Guangdong, China at 15-months-old.

“In America, I feel like I’m judged by my skin color, but if I were to visit China, people would be able to tell that I didn’t grow up there because of my mannerisms and the language barrier. At times it feels like I don’t belong to either race.

“In America, I feel like I’m judged by my skin color, but if I were to visit China, people would be able to tell that I didn’t grow up there because of my mannerisms and the language barrier. At times it feels like I don’t belong to either race. I feel like sometimes people find it difficult to understand because they’ve never encountered or considered that kind of family situation before,” McKnight said.

Not all adoptees feel like McKnight does, as their concept of identity can vary on the spectrum of acceptance to confusion. Lucinda Connor, a freshman majoring in hospitality management at UCF, for example, leans more towards the acceptance end. She generally doesn’t feel that different from her peers, but occasionally feels like she doesn’t belong. Connor was adopted from Chenzhou, Hunan, China at 9-months-old. Connor's father was also adopted, giving her someone who could somewhat relate to her situation.

“Since both my parents are white and they’re really preppy, like really preppy, I almost have that ‘white DNA’ in me, it seems that way,” Connor said. “When I was going through the recruitment process, I definitely stuck out like a sore thumb. When you’re in Greek life, or just in a predominately white thing, it makes you feel different in an awkward way.” “I don’t think they really care about what race you are, but it just feels awkward for me sometimes, personally.”

UCF freshman Savannah Osburn, majoring in computer science, had similar experiences as Connor as she also has someone to understand her situation. At 3-months-old, Osburn was adopted from Da Nang, Vietnam. Her family later adopted another daughter who is a year younger than Osburn from China.

“I would probably identify more as I guess Asian American just because I don’t know, I feel like most of the stuff I just do is more like traditionally American, I just look Asian,” Osburn said.

Being a part of an interracial family, adoptees can immediately be spotted. This distinct difference can often lead strangers and acquaintances to ask intrusive, uncomfortable questions about birth parents: “where are you from from,” or “can you say anything in your native language?”

American media and history has created an Asian stereotype which is typically applied to Eastern Asians. There are several stereotypes against Asian Americans such as, but not limited to: all Asians being good at school, especially in subjects like math and science, being bad at driving, behaving in a quiet and reserved manner, eating cats and dogs and even all Asians looking the same/being related are all things that are a part of microaggression. Microaggressions are commonplace comments that are seen as “normal” when they are actually just offensive, whether the speaker meant to be rude or not. A stereotype applied to Asian Americans, especially adoptees, is the comparison to Twinkies or Golden Oreos due to their upbringing: yellow on the outside, but “white” on the inside.

“I’ve heard the cat/dog jokes and bad driving stereotypes. When I was younger, kids weren’t aware of what they were saying and they would kind of call me out just based on my difference in appearance,” said McKnight. “Now, I’ve found that most people my age are very accepting and don’t treat me any differently, and that it’s adults that can be the most insensitive. Once a teacher asked me if I mixed up test answers ‘due to a translation issue,’ which was a question based solely on my race rather than my previous work.”

Some adoptive parents’ decisions to adopt from an Asian country was influenced by the behavioral Asian stereotypes and the racist favorable image Asians have, according to Tony Xing Tan and Michael Nakkula. This favorable image is known as the model minority myth, a myth that paints all Asian Americans to be the same type of person who “achieve universal and unparalleled academic and occupational success,” earning them a “honorary white” status, as described by Sam Museus and Jessica Fry.

“The stereotypic perception of Asians as quiet, trouble-free, responsible and achieving people may also have contributed to the increasing popularity of Korean children,” wrote Wun Jung Kim.

The U.S. Bureau of Consular Affairs reported that 20,966 children had been adopted from South Korea between 1999 and 2019. The highest year of adoption being 1999 with 1,994 children adopted.

These stereotypes and myths follow adoptees though their whole life. Without an adoptee’s family present, people are unable to physically see that adoptees are adopted which can lead to misunderstandings and uncomfortable confrontations.

“Asian American transracial adoptees, for instance, might be presumed to come from recently immigrated families and have knowledge about different languages and cultures. These types of assumptions can make Asian American transracial adoptees feel even more isolated and unsettled in their identity,” Fry recorded.

Being a part of an interracial family, adoptees can imediately be spotted. This distinct difference can often lead strangers and acquaintances to ask intrusive, uncomfortable questions about birth parents: “where are you from from,” or “can you say anything in your native language?”

“Adoptees are often questioned about their “real” parents, leading them to believe that their family is perceived as inferior to traditional, biological ones,” as stated by Jaeran Kim, Beth Hall and Katarina Wegar.

“When people are adopted, they always ask ‘oh, would you ever want to meet your birth parents?’,” Connor said. “Me, personally, I don’t need to meet my real parents, the parents I have now are my real parents because obviously I understand when I was adopted the one-child policy was going on, so I’m sure they probably kept a boy or just couldn’t have a child or whatever, but they gave me up for a reason, now these parents are my parents and they are my actual parents. I don’t feel like I have another set of parents out there, like the parents I have now are my parents.”

Being an Asian American adoptee is a confusing experience with conflicting identities and stereotypes being thrown around. For all of those who do not fit stereotypes, there are those who do; for each person who accepts who they are, there are people who are still confused.

Coming to terms with one’s own identity is a rocky path, but with support and understanding the journey can be made more smooth. If adoption becomes more normalized, adoptees might be able to feel more comfortable with their mixed identity, as the people from the in-between.