Is That Really Your Oppa?

Content warning: mentions of violence, rape and fetishization.

You wake up to the alarm from your phone that you snoozed for the fifth time this morning. Looking at the time and realizing that you’re late for class, you grab whatever looks decent in your closet, put your hair in a messy bun and run out of your dorm. It is a windy Wednesday morning, but your mind is too focused on speeding to class. You fail to realize that someone on their bike is about to crash onto you. Luckily, they manage to swerve, but since you did not have a good grip on your balance, you fall on your knees and your glasses clatter to the ground. The person immediately abandons their bike and rushes to aid you. You couldn’t make out the features of the person, but you recognized that they were tall and had milky white skin. Picking up and slipping your glasses back on, you can finally see their face clearly. It is a man with long eyelashes, a kind mouth, and groomed eyebrows: all the features of a flower-boy just like in the Korean drama from last night. “Are you okay?” the stranger asks gently, holding your hand as he helps you up. Your heart suddenly skips a beat and you could only stare at each other’s eyes. Right there and then, you knew it was fate. This would’ve been a perfect meeting, if only real life worked this way.

This scenario is a staple of Korean dramas with most of their main characters meeting in this way. Typically, there’s no harm in a romance scene like this. However, as more and more people watch Korean dramas each year, more and more Korean men are getting fetishized in addition to the infinite amount of Asian women who have been having this experience for generations. Fetishization, in definition, is to “have an excessive and irrational commitment to or obsession with (something).” Most people have heard about fetishizing Asian women as it stems from the Western perception that Asian women are exotic and viewed as both submissive yet promiscuous. In a typical Asian household, children are commonly taught to obey, never talk back, and to always show respect towards elders. When these children grow up, they take these lessons with them, even when they live in the West. These types of behaviors, which are the norm in Asia, are unfortunately seen as submission in the West. Most people, especially Western men, take this as a chance to abuse the respect and kindness they are shown. Since the rise of Korean dramas, Asian men have also experienced this fetishization such as being called "oppa," a Korean term, regardless of nationality.

The word “oppa” means older brother, or is used as a term of endearment by younger females to refer to an older male. In every Korean drama, male leads are usually depicted as tall, handsome and rich, topped off with parental issues. They are made to be the savior of the fragile heroine that struggles to pay rent or is having a hard time finding a job but has the latest smartphone. The female lead is always being dragged by her wrist and into the interior of her supposed love interest's expensive car, just so he can spend time with her—showing viewers a man who has complete boundary issues but it’s okay because he’s cute. And we’re supposed to root for them. The problem with these types of scenes is that the same male leads rely on the same tropes. The problem is we begin to romanticize misogyny. Girls are weak and we need a Korean man to save us.

Anime, on the other hand, tends to fetishize Asian women, specifically East Asian women. They are often shown as submissive, dressing in maid outfits and being called “waifu” or wife. Anime even goes as far as to appeal to men who are attracted to younger women or to put it simply, pedophiles. They have anime shows and video games with little anime girls that are called “lolitas” or “lolis” that call the player “onii-chan” which has the same prospects of “oppa” in Japanese.

“Viewing people as objects is not new,” says Julian Hong*, a third year student at the University of Central Florida. “There is always this sense of entitlement, [that] ever since the beginning of time that people think they are entitled to others. That's why there’s fetishization.”

The popularity of the fad affects how Asian people in general are being viewed and treated. Women, and sometimes even men, who watch these dramas expect themselves to be treated like a main character from a Korean drama when they see a Korean man walking down the street. While men and adolescent boys who are “anime fans” are glued to the screen of a fictional female character with exaggerated features and then seek to find an Asian woman with the exact build, which causes damage to self-esteem and assault with Asian women.

“There's a very fine line between preference and fetishization and I've had a few instances in my life where I've had to question if someone's liked me for who I am, or what they want me to be,” John Le* said, another UCF student and is of Filipino and Chinese descent. “Not only is it racially insensitive, but it marginalizes other asian ethnicities as well. It's belittling really.”

According to ncaatogether.org, throughout the 18th-19th century, Euro-Americans wanted to adapt Chinese and other East Asian motifs and styles in Western art. Because of this, Asian female bodies were “objectified as ornaments'' [Britney, 2021]. Geishas in Japan have also contributed to the stereotypes of Asian women as submissive and silent. Asian fetishization also stemmed from the history of colonization in Asia from Western countries. During this time, women in Asian countries were sexually assaulted, raped, and beaten. Today, the historical “colonization of the female bodies” is a big contributor to fetishization of Asian women, which has spread to Asian men, especially Koreans.

“It is damaging to both parties because it sets up unrealistic expectations for Asian men to achieve. People tend to think that dating Korean men will give them a Korean drama experience when it’s really not.”

So, why is it so dangerous to fetishize a race? Asian women as a whole are put into a single category that purposely objectifies them. Outside of Korean dramas or anime, Asian women in western movies are either hypersexualized or the side-kick nerd best friend while Asian men are depicted as unattractive computer geeks. Many, regardless of gender, end up applying fictional drama to their real lives. When reality sets in, so does disappointment, which can result in violence. The Atlanta shooting that took place in March 2021 is just another example why fetishization can be so dangerous. Twenty-one year old Robert Aaron Long, a white man, went on a shooting spree that killed eight people, in which six were Asian women. The shooting spree occurred at three spas in Atlanta, Georgia. It has been reported that Long had been a customer of these massage parlors and saw the Asian women who worked there as “sources of sexual temptation” [Whitehurst and Price, 2021].

“It’s a really toxic mentality to have,” says Astoria Kim*, also a student at the University of Central Florida, majoring in communications. “It is damaging to both parties because it sets up unrealistic expectations for Asian men to achieve. People tend to think that dating Korean men will give them a Korean drama experience when it’s really not.”

Tourism in Japan and Korea has since skyrocketed due to their popularity. Maid cafes and boyfriend services in Japan and Korea respectively are very much common. In maid cafes, the waitresses are dressed in maid costumes and act as servants to patrons while referring to them as their masters. Boyfriend services in Korea give customers a chance to tour cities with their flower boy, tour-guide boyfriend for a day. While it sounds a lot of fun, these businesses are deeply rooted in fetishization.

These services capitalize on fetishes where patrons get to live out their fantasies.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard Korean drama fans compare the looks of an average Asian looking guy in their school to Lee Min Ho or someone they saw in a K-drama,” added Hong. “This guy looks nothing like the Korean drama leads but the fact that he’s Asian makes him so desirable to these girls.”

East Asian media has tried to keep up with growing popularity overseas. Movies made in China, Korea or Japan never fully feature a muscular main character. Rather, they opt for a gentle looking man with soft skin, long lashes, and dimples. Their beauty standards are very different from the West but they make sure that this is how they are represented in the media as well.

This ties into the critically acclaimed Marvel movie, “Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings,” that came out this year. Asian-Americans were elated to have finally been represented in the media, in a Marvel movie at that. China, however, did not feel the same. They thought that Simu Liu, the actor that played Shang-Chi did not fit East Asian beauty standards. Compared to the flower boy features that most East Asian actors possess, Simu Liu has more common Asian facial features, such as almond eyes and a rounder facial structure. Albeit, most fans have found him gorgeous either way. China wants to keep up with the fantasy that they have created and refuse to accept any other facial features that regular people in China have.

The ongoing problems on fetishization have only gotten bigger and worse and it doesn’t seem to be reaching its stopping point just yet. The romanticization of Asian media and the history of objectification of Asian women became foundations of this dangerous mentality. The rise of K-pop and the growing popularity of Anime gives opportunities for Asians to be seen. This popularity, unfortunately, includes surface level enjoyment and disrespect. This contains but is not limited to; aestheticizing Asian grocery marts where there’s whole Pinterest boards featuring people posing in front of Asian snacks with characters not in the alphabet and captioning “exotic snacks” slapped on their Instagram post, calling grown Asian men “babies” when they have a thick accent because they just moved from their motherland, and telling someone they look Korean or a K-pop idol or an Anime character just because they match the body type ad skin tone of one. The line between appreciating a person and their culture and becoming obsessive over them are two completely different things.

“There is a solution [to this problem]. It starts with the exposure and acknowledgement of this problem. Acknowledging and accepting that this is a problem is the hardest part, because it has to happen at an individual level, and that type of introspection is not something that everyone has the humility to do,” Go continued. “There's nothing wrong with liking Asians and Asian culture, but it has to be done with respect. With any culture, educate yourself on more than what you see on mainstream media. Learn the good and the bad. Don't look at Asians with rose tinted glasses; we're normal people. If you start liking someone because you have fantasies based on Asian media that you want to live out, catch yourself and think about why that's wrong.”

Dating East Asian men and women is no different than dating other races. Having a Korean boyfriend is no different from having a Vietnamese boyfriend or an American boyfriend. East Asians, or even just Asians in general are regular people. Some may be more traditional than others but they are more than their stereotypes. Maybe you’ll get the aesthetics that you desire but you’ll most likely still have disagreements, fights, make-up and go on dates. There are also “players” and cheaters in Korea, just like in any other country. More importantly, dating a Korean man will not save you from being mistreated by your boss nor will they catch you midair when you fall. They will still break your heart, you’ll still waste tears, they’ll probably look mediocre at best, and they probably won't be a rich heir to a huge company.

Dating East Asian men and women is no different than dating other races. Having a Korean boyfriend is no different from having a Vietnamese boyfriend or an American boyfriend. East Asians, or even just Asians in general are regular people.

*Name changed upon request

References

Britney. (2021, March 23). Fetishization of east and Southeast Asian women. North Carolina Asian Americans Together. Retrieved October 11, 2021, from https://ncaatogether.org/2021/03/23/fetishization-of-east-and-southeast-asian-women/.

Whitehurst, L., & Price, M. (2021, March 18). Stigmas on race, gender and sex overlap in Atlanta slayings. AP NEWS. Retrieved November 1, 2021, from https://apnews.com/article/us-news-race-and-ethnicity-shootings-las-vegas-mass-shooting-georgia-58690b8fd13adc6e76ef2b306fd2c58f.